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Chapter 48: Chapter 48

I nodded gently at the young knight’s remarks. I felt I would not be of any help if I hung around here anyway. Although my father didn’t like it, he reluctantly let me take a walk, telling me I should not go too far.

As soon as I was away from the mud, I was amazed at the great scenery. Had there always been a place like this near here? I didn’t know that. The golden field that unfolded endlessly under the clear blue sky was so beautiful. There was a golden wave trembling in the wind.

While watching the wild flowers dancing in the field, I asked Carsein, who was following me silently, “The scenery here is very good. right?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry for the knights who are working hard to get the carriage out of the mud. But I think I would feel very sorry if I passed by without seeing this.”

“You bet.”

“You have never seen a landscape like this, Carsein?”

“Nope.”

Carried away with the beautiful scenery, I asked various stuff before stopping suddenly.

Carsein replied very shortly to my questions, which I thought was very strange.

It looked like he was lost in thought, so I quietly shut my mouth not to disturb him.

I walked through the field, silently observing the scenery.

“Aristia?”

“Huh?”

I walked a few steps ahead when he suddenly called me.

The boy standing in the golden waves was looking at me. His red hair was dishevelled by the wind. As his hair was so beautiful, I looked at him in joy.

“Well, hummm…” He could not easily open his mouth with hesitation.

I looked at the boy curiously as he kept silent for long. Why was he acting strangely, starting yesterday?

“Carsein, what’s up?”

“Well… Oh yeah. I think you had something to say to me, right?”

“Huh? Was that what you mean? Well, I would like to stop practicing fencing for the time being. How about a couple of times per month? Is that okay?”

“Okay, I got it.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, I like it. Actually, I also need more time for my own practice.”

I thought he would get angry with me, but he, unexpectedly, accepted my offer.

Still I felt a bit uneasy. I felt a bit relieved that he wasn’t hurt, but on the other hand, I was a little sorry, thinking to myself, ‘Don’t do this, Aristia. It’s true that his practice time was shortened because he had to coach you, right? As a friend, you shouldn’t be in the way if you can’t help him.’

“By the way, Aristia.”

“Huh?”

“Well… ”

After he hesitated for some time, he was about to open his mouth when somebody called me.

‘Dang it!’ I said I told them I was coming and turned, but Carsein shut his mouth.

When I asked him repeatedly what he wanted to say to me, he never answered.

As he was so adamant, I just gave up and walked away. I felt a bit sorry for that.

Because of the unexpected accident, we arrived at the capital a little later than expected.

When we arrived at the mansion of Duke Lars, Carsein jumped from the wagon and bowed politely.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Thank you, Lars. I will keep my promise, so please come back anytime. ”

“Got it, sir. Please take care. Goodbye, Aristia. See you in two months. ”

“Okay. Goodbye, Carsein. ”

I saw Carsein through the window of the wagon leaving quietly. He looked a bit lonely. As I couldn’t take my eyes off of him for some reason, I looked out the window until his red hair vanished.

When I came to our mansion in the capital, I felt like I was back home finally. I had a great time at the estate, but this was where I was born and grew up. Because he rushed to the capital without finishing his work, my father immediately headed to the Imperial Palace as soon as he dropped me off. Left alone, I oversaw the house employees unpacking my stuff for the rest of the day.

Was it because I was busy half the day? When I was all done, I was exhausted.

“You must be very tired, my lady.”

“Yes, I’m. I have to sleep early today. ”

“You had better do so. I will tell your father when he comes back.”

“Yes, please.” Answering absentmindedly, I lay myself on my bed.

As I was about to close my eyes after tidying up my disheveled hair, something suddenly flashed through my mind.

‘Oops!’ It slipped my mind.

“Hey, Lina.”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Where did you put that thing I was planning to keep in a separate place?”

“You mean the silver envelope? I put it in the first drawer of your office desk. ”

“Oh, thanks. As you also had a hard time, take a rest today. ”

“Thank you, my lady.”

When I opened the door next to my bedroom, I saw a small room that was newly decorated as my office. I approached the spacious desk and opened the first drawer. Inside was a tightly sealed silver envelope and various writing utensils.

It contained the writing memos on my life from the age of ten to seventeen. I forgot it at the time as I was too absent-minded, but after I came to my senses, I picked it up and sealed it tightly before other people saw it. Regardless of whether my memories were a dream or reality, writing it down was very dangerous.

As the empire declined in power, the emperor’s power was weakened and the nobles gained power for a while, but after the current emperor took office, the emperor’s power was gradually strengthened, barely striking a balance of power between the two. The reason that the emperor could strengthen his power was largely because Duke Lars, Duke Verita, and other pro-emperor families including my family helped him. Just like many talented people gathered under a good ruler, the pro-emperor lords were extraordinarily competent. That’s why the emperor’s trust and ties with them were also very strong.

What if it was known to the public that the eldest daughter of the Monique family, the key supporter of the emperor, had a record like this? The emperor, who had a strong trust in his father, may laugh it away, but it was clear that the nobles trying to weaken the emperor’s power would never ignore it. Even if the record was just about her dream, it was enough to bring about their suspicion and misunderstanding because it slandered and desecrated the crown prince, the legitimate successor.

Since I didn’t need to stir up any controversy, it was wise for me to burn it, but I didn’t have the nerve to get rid of it. So, I sealed it, so that no one could see it. I thought of moving it to a secret location or disguising it as a simple document or a book.

When I put the envelope back inside, I suddenly noticed a letter placed on one side of the drawer. When I looked at the neatly colored stationery, I thought of Allendis.

I thought of writing a letter informing him that I returned to the capital, but I felt it would be better for me to go and see him in person because I had just returned after a long time.

The next day I went to my father’s study, holding a cup of tea that I brewed myself because my father asked for tea. I guessed why he called me, but he didn’t say anything until he emptied the teacup.

I looked at him silently even after he put down the empty mug. Do I have to break the ice first?

I took a big breath before he had set the mug down. I opened my mouth slowly, looking at his blue eyes fixed on me. I decided to tell him the truth when I came to the capital anyway, but it was not easy for me to say first.

Did I vent pent-up feelings too much while I was writing down my painful past life?

I spoke in a much calmer tone than I expected. As I had so many things to say, I kept talking until it was past the afternoon and darkness fell, namely things about my “dream” in the past and what happened to me in the past.

I stopped for water after I told him up to the point that several days before I observed my sixteenth birthday, when Jiun appeared, and as a result, I was pushed out of my status as the empress and entered the palace as the emperor’s concubine.

While she was telling him about her past life, he was silent.